BEHIND THE VEIL OF MAYA

during the last days I've kept searching a goal or something..don't really know what it is yet but I'm trying really hard to figure it out as soon as possible...
I keep wondering about what I really want and what I really need to make me happy finally..
I'm trying to push myself to find an answer but I keep failing..maybe I'm too afraid of it,maybe I'm just too coward..

I've always had this problem..I really don't wanna hurt anybody..maybe 'cause I simply believe in karma or something like that or just for the fact that I'm scared about others in a way..
we really don't know what they're thinking about us,right?it's just impossible to know and kinda frustrating the majority of times..

but at the same time I've never been someone who cared about others' opinions so it's really fucked up...
I just want to hear them talking about me but I don't want it either..
inferiority-superiority complexes in just one person?oh,I'm awesomely lame like that..

searching for happiness lingering on the same spots doesn't really help in the slightest..

I'm really afraid to talk even with my boyfriend or my closest friends about myself cause I simply know they really can't get it at all..I feel like I feel,period..

people are linked someway and somewhere but at the same time we're alone...I'm what I am and you're what you are..isn't it simple like that?
maybe it's just me but I've always wanted to do something brilliant in my life,something's worth it...
old age is what really sets me off and it really scares the shit outta me...never once in my life I was afraid of death but instead it's dying without having reached anything at all...turning gray with nomore desires or dreams...or without accomplisment..that really damages me mentally..

I've always lived of dreams..I've always wanted to live a dream myself..it's time to step into life big deal!

がんばりましょうね。